Mar 27, 2011

The Ants Go Marching Two by Two

I have a Confession to Make

Actually, it's my husband's Confession

BUT, since he doesn't read blogs, and I don't have to worry about him reading this one...
I'm spillin' it!

He is obsessed with Ants!
Not in a good way.

I cringe in the Spring when I see the first one.

I hide it.

I hide the next one!
By now I'm beginning to feel like a woman who deceives her husband
on a regular basis.

(Forgive me, Lord)

I hide the next 2, 3, 4...
I have become an ant conspirator!

I speak to them,
"If he sees you, you are DEAD MEAT!
He will kill you, and your little dog too!

From the living room: "Who are you talking to?"
"No one!"
(Now, I have become a liar! Forgive me, again, Lord)

Before I know it they are taking over the kitchen...
I have to hide my tracks...

"Wow, honey, there are a LOT of ants in here?"

(Like this doesn't happen EVERY year)

He walks in mumbling to himself, and it begins.

He talks about the ants all day long...
   I don't know who he's talking to. It's not me, cause I'm not listening
He contemplates how they got in here...
   (Uh, maybe the same hole they got in last year, and the year before, and the... well, you get the picture...
He'll walk in the kitchen and move microwaves, stoves, refrigerators, cats, me...
in search of them.
He dreams about them...
He spends hours on the net looking for just the right poison...
   Which, by the way is very embarrassing to pick up from the Post Office.
   "Gee, Lisa, a package from...Kill or be Killed Poison Company. That's interesting."
And, yes, he even preaches about them.

Everyone at church knows when the Ants Go Marching Two by Two at the Hoovers

Tomorrow's Sermon:
Go to the Ant, Thou Sluggard...


(Forgive him, Lord)


  1. ROFL!!!!!! I totally had a complete visual while reading this. Lisa you need to write a book about living with pastor! I know it would be a best seller. You guys are so awesome and I am so thankful that I have the priviledge to be a part of the church family with you both. Love ya bunches and can't wait to read the next blog.