Oct 27, 2011

Wise Advice

When I was preparing to have my first baby,
My Mom gave me her best advice...
"Don't yell, the nurses hate it!"
Me: "Is that it? Is that all you have?"
"I can't put that in the baby book, Mom!"

Mom: "Sorry, when I had you kids,
they wheeled me into a room, put me to sleep,
and when I woke up, they said,
'Here's your baby!'
That's the way to have babies!
Kinda like going to lunch,
but getting to bring the leftovers home."

OK, she didn't say that last part,
I added that cause that's what it seems like to me.
You go, take a little nap, you wake up,
and for your reward, you get to take a baby home!

Just seems too easy.
Seems like if you don't suffer...
You don't deserve that baby!
You gotta work for the good things, right?!

So, now, what are they doing?
They're giving epidurals so you don't
have to feel anything!
What on earth is with that?
Might as well just go take a nap
and come home a winner!

Why am I thinking all of this?
My daughter-in-law is getting ready
to have her first child.
I don't know how she is going to handle it.
All I know is...

"DON'T YELL, THE NURSES HATE IT!"

Oct 25, 2011

Supplemental Health

I take supplements

I have to...
my son works at Super Supplements.

He loads us up every couple of weeks.
Things I've never even heard of.
For every body part and function.

Every morning, Russell and I
dutifully walk into the kitchen...
open all our little bottles...
and start popping pills.
Takes like 30 minutes!
(Well, it feels like it, anyway)

And I think I feel better...
Or maybe I just feel better
cause I know I'm taking things
that are good for me...
(like grass, sticks and gravel...)
you know, a psychosomatic thing.

Either way, I do feel better.
I'm glad that my kids worry about my health
and want me to be healthy.

He probably just doesn't want to
take care of me when I get old and sickly.
So, this is like a preventative thing.
Keep me healthy as long as possible...
BEFORE THEY STICK ME IN A HOME!
(I'm yelling, in case you can't tell)

He even brought Strider some
'good for you treats'.

Now, Strider will eat anything.
Seriously, anything!

Well, except celery. He hates celery.
You throw it to him, he catches it,
and once he realizes what it is
he drops it to the floor, never to acknowledge it again.

He'll even eat ice cubes.
But not celery.

We have found something else he doesn't like.
Organic treats. 

He caught it, dropped it,
...stared at it...
Then, looked at us like,
"WHAT ON EARTH IS THIS?"
"Try it Stridies, it's good AND good for you!"
"GAG ME!"

"If we have to take this stuff, Strider,
then so do you! NOW EAT IT!"

I have to admit I have never seen strider
so close to food without losing himself
in a moment of sheer pleasure.
I think this was more like sheer disgust.

We love you anyway, Al!
Not sure about Strider,
you'll have to ask him yourself! 

Oct 24, 2011

Louis L'Amour

So, I'm reading all of the Louis L'Amour books
in order as he wrote them.

I've decided I would give a short synopsis of the story.

Then I would write my favorite one-liners.
Louis has tons of them.
And that's one of the reasons I love reading him.
Great lines.
So, I'll focus on that.

First book on the way!

Stay in the Battle

"The great difference for a soldier
who is engaged in physical warfare
is that they have a light at the end of the tunnel,
so to speak.
They have a tour of duty,
a predetermined time to serve;
and a set date in which they will get out of the war.

On the other hand, the spiritual soldier
has no such date as he sits surrounded,
infilitrated, and outnumbered.
The true soldier will look up and say,
as one noted American hero said,

'Alright, they're on our left,
they're on our right,
they're in front of us,
they're behind us...
they can't get away this time.'

You see, it is all how you look at war,
do you want to retire and grow old?
Or, do you want to stay in the battle and win?
Hey, air support is on the way -
the fast movers are coming to drop their payload.
Hang tough for just a few more battles
and the war will be over."
                                              - from the miss. letter of Mike Roberts

"For we wrestle not against flesh and blood,
but against principalities, against powers,
against the rulers of the darkness of this world,
against spiritual wickedness in high places."
                                                          Eph. 6:12

I want to stay in the battle...

And we WILL win thru Jesus Christ!

Oct 21, 2011

My Obsession with Mrs. Perfect

I received a message in my inbox today
from Martha's site.

It was called "Organize Your Sheets".
(see April blog - 'Martha, Martha')

I shouldn't even have opened it...
I did...
I couldn't help myself.

There is that HATED video of someone
folding fitted sheets.
And a photo of a cupboard
full of perfectly organized
sheets.

But this one is a little different.
After she folds them...
She hides them in the pillowcase.
Of course, she doesn't call it 'hiding'.
She calls it 'tucking'.
In my house, it's hiding!

I'm excited! I'm going downstairs
right now to hide all my pathetically folded sheets!

Thank You, Martha!
I know you read my blog and thought
this up just for me!

I love you, Martha!

Oct 19, 2011

"Deathipedia"

You know, I just can't help myself...
When someone talks about an actor or actress
I have to tell them what they died of.

Not new actors,
cause I don't know any of them.
But from the 70's back.
I know how they all met their end.

My kids get upset with me
Me: "Yeah, she walked out on her husband,
became an alcoholic and died lonely and poor."
Random male child: "Thanks for that, Mom."

Kinda morbid, I know.
And I try not to...
But its there in my head...
then slips down to my mouth...
and I have to let it out.
They have a right to know what
happened to this person.
Even if they don't want to know!

And if we're watching a movie...
I can't wait til its over...
They HAVE to know right away.
Their life could depend on it!
Another random male child:
"The chase scene on 'Bullit' is my favorite."
Me: "You know Steve McQueen died of cancer
in Mexico after having tumors removed from his neck?"
Random male child: "That's gross, Mom!"
Me: "But, the good news is, he got saved before he died!"
Moral: Don't go to Mexico to have neck tumors removed.
And if you do, make sure you're saved first.
Now, tell me that's not helpful?!

And if I don't know how someone died...
My Mom most certainly does!
It's kinda been passed down,
this 'Deathipedia thing.'

And God forbid the person was a God hater.
Then not only do they have to know how they died,
They must also understand all the moral implications
of blaspheming the God of the Universe.
There are some names my kids will never utter
cause they know they will have to hear the story again.

I want to make sure they don't forget...
After all, it must be passed down.

Oct 18, 2011

What Could be Better?

People keep telling me
that being a Grandparent is so much better
than being a parent.

I can see that to a certain extent...
All the joy without having to worry about
really screwing up your kids.
After all, that's Mom and Dad's job.
(Not screwing up the kids...just worrying about it.)

All I ever wanted to be was a Mom.
I never cared about a career or lied to myself
about what great things I was going to accomplish
in the workaday world.
I have wanted to be a Mom for as long as I can remember.

When I was about 9
the doctors all told my Mom
that I would never be able to have children
so she might as well take care of it now...
(why do the words spay and neuter come to mind?)
But she never felt that it was her decision.
I felt terrible that I couldn't have kids...
cause I loved being a kid and didn't want to grow up.
So, if I had kids...I could always stay a kid.
(I was 9, OK? 9 year olds think dumb things like that!
and Peter Pan probably wasn't a great help either).

Then when I was 13 my Mom had my little sister.
I loved her so much that to think of never having
children was even more painful now...
after having experienced what it was like to have a
baby around. A 2 yr. old around. A 6 yr old around...

Then when I was 18 we found a new doctor
who scoffed at what the other doctors said.
"Only God decides who has children, not men!"
I had hope again.
6 years later, I had my first son...
seventeen months later, my second son...
5 years later, my third son.
(Yeah, I know, gets monotonous).
But I loved every stage they went through.
Their sweet smell, their soft skin, their first smile.
Every new development was monumental to us!
My kids never had terrible twos.
Not because they weren't terrible
(believe me, I can remember quite a few terrible things).
But every stage was fun times!
We hardly ever had babysitters
because we enjoyed being with our kids.
We played, we laughed, we had fun.

You know how when some people get old
and they live in the past and don't know
what's going on around them.
Well, I don't particularly want that to happen to me...
but if it does, I want to live in the happy times,
when the kids were little...
playing with Legos,
listening to stories about a little boy
named Tiger who lived in the woods,
hugs, kisses and runny noses,
and 'I love you forever, Mommy'.
when love was fierce and protective.

Not that times aren't happy now...
they're just not as simple as they were then.
And I guess I haven't really adjusted to
not having kids at home.
Although, I have to admit, quiet can be nice also.

How can anything be better than that?
I know all you grandparents are thinking...
"She'll see..."
And I'm sure I will.
But for now, I can't imagine what could be better...

(But check with me next month, just in case!)

Oct 16, 2011

10 Lists

I love lists.

I guess it's because of this overpowering
desire to be perfect...
(no laughing!)
I guess I feel if I can get all my thoughts
on paper, color coded, in order-
Then all I'll have to do
is follow the list, crossing off as I go...
and I'll finish everything-
and be perfect!

Of course, it hasn't worked yet...
but I'm an eternal optismist.
Someday it will work...
and I'll be perfect!

I love nothing more,
that to sit down with paper and pencil
and put my thoughts together.
Think about all the neat things I'm going to do...
and how I'm going to do them.
So I can be perfect!

This is October.
I currently have 10 lists going.
One for Thanksgiving:
we're going to my Mom's so I only have
to concentrate on a food list -
well, a food list and, of course,
a grocery list.

Then I have a new Grandbaby coming,
for which I am ETERNALLY grateful...
(Thank you, Lord)
So, I have a list of the things I want to get
before she gets here,
(did I mention she's a girl!!! That's a
big deal for a Hoover).
and, of course, I have to get a little area
ready for her here at the house
for when she comes to visit.
(Don't worry, Aaron, your room is safe.
At least for the time being...until another grandbaby
comes along and then we'll have to talk!)
Plus, I actually have another list of things I
want to make for her- crafty like stuff.
That's separate from the other list cause who knows
when I'll actually get to them.
Probably not til I'm perfect.

And then there are the Christmas lists...
One for big time housecleaning things,
one for decorating,
one for food (not only for Christmas Day,
but also for the 6 days that I'll have
visitors from Canada).
Technically, those are 2 lists, but they are on
the same page.
And of course the grocery list.

Plus I have a list for the ladies Christmas Party.
It's going to be at someone else's house...
(Thank you, Lord for small blessings!)

 So, you would think with all those lists to keep me straight...
I'd be perfect...or, at the very least, REALLY close!

A verse comes to mind:
Ps. 37:37 - "Mark the perfect man,
and behold the upright: for the end
of that man is peace."
I find that trying to be perfect, is anything
but peaceful...

So then, another verse comes to mind:
Ps. 18:32 - "It is God that girdeth me with strength,
and maketh my way perfect."

All my trying is in vain...
God alone can make me perfect...
because of Jesus Christ,
in Jesus Christ,
thru Jesus Christ,
and for his wellpleasing!

It's not about me at all...

Gal. 3:3 - "Are ye so foolish,
having begun in the Spirit,
are ye now made perfect by the flesh?"
And, of course, the answer to that is, "No,
the flesh will never make me perfect!"

I better go write that down...

Better yet, I'll make a list...

Oct 3, 2011

Weird!!

Do you ever think about weird things?
I know you do, so don't even think
about denying it!

Like who was the first person
who saw an artichoke
and decided to eat it.

Number one, they are ugly.
I would immediately think,
"Bet those are poison".
Just by looking at them.

How would you even know
how to cook them.
I wouldn't even want to venture a guess
how to cook one if I didn't already know.

Who was the first one to say...
"OK, if you just scrape off the bottom of the leaf
with your teeth...then its good."
Who would think of that?

"And see all those little hairs?
Just scrape them off and eat whats
under them."

Now that I think about it,
they were probably starving...
Waaaayyyyy too much work,
with very little payoff!