Martha, martha...

Hae you ever had something that you wanted to conquer?
Something you wanted to master?

I have always wanted to be able to fold sheets.
No, not flat sheets...
the fitted ones!

I have watched Martha many, many times.
(Yes, Martha Stewart! I love her! If you don't
  keep it to yourself!!)
I followed the pictures perfectly...
and did exactly what the book told me to do...

hers

all to no avail.
My sheets look horrible!

When I first got married
I tried countless times to fold them right.
By right I mean, like Martha folds them!
Martha always does everything PERFECT!
(I hate you, Martha...er...I mean I love you Martha!)
I finally, in desperation, gave up!

I instead bought two small laundry baskets -
one for singles (the boy's beds)
and one for queen (ours).
I put them in the closet and
after I took the fitted sheets
out of the dryer I wadded them up...
and threw them in the appropriate basket!
(and closed the door, of course, I wouldn't
  want anyone to know I didn't fold my sheets)
I bet you're smirking right now!

I've done it that way for awhile now...

hers

Then the other day I was looking through
Martha's site...and what should I see...
a VIDEO of Martha folding a fitted sheet!
I acted like I didn't care...
I looked at everything else...
until I couldn't stand it any longer!!!
I went to the video...and there she was
folding a perfect sheet.
I was filled with guilt.

I ran downstairs,
grabbed the nearest sheet
and followed the instructions by the letter!
And still my sheet looked like little more
than a crumpled sheet.

mine

Maybe her sheets are different than mine.
Mine have elastic all the way around.
Maybe hers don't...
Maybe hers are square instead of round
and therefore lend themselves to being
folded easily.
Maybe its NOT that I'm a loser at sheetfolding!

Sadly, I have to face the facts:
I will NEVER be able to fold fitted sheets.
When it comes to linen, I'm a loser...sigh...
I still love you Martha...